| | I currently am extremely disgusting. I've had one of the worst colds ever for the past week or so, and while I'm starting to feel better (no more fever, sore throat or coughing so hard that I make myself gag and subsequently throw up), my nose is still running like a faucet (a faucet from which pathogen-laden, yellow snot flows in lieu of water) and with my voice and my still rather nasty cough, I sound like I've been smoking several packs a day for the past 30 years (I got my start on Marlboros as a glimmer in my dad's eye). And on top of all of that, I woke up yesterday morning with conjunctivitis (i.e., freakin' PINK EYE) and both of my eyes are all pink (obviously) and goopy and crusty and everyone's been asking me if I'm okay, because apparently I look like I've just had a really good cry. Rather than facing the screams of horror and disdain that I would inevitably receive upon informing these curious people that actually, I just have pink eye, instead I've been telling them that my pet guinea pig died* and yeah, I'm pretty sad about it, thanks for bringing it up, JERK. And I don't even have a guinea pig. And... I think the cough medicine might be getting to me. *I am totally kidding about this. I would never lie about something so heart-wrenching as the death of a guinea pig.
Despite all the trials and tribulations that my poor body has endured lately, however, I am powering through it all to update my xanga! Disgustingness cannot keep me from bringing you an entry! Because that's how much I care about you, my dear readers.
Okay, so it's not really about how much I care.... it's more about the fact that I am so incredibly bored of watching TV since I've been doing nothing but watching TV (while lying wan and listless on the couch) for the past five days. Let me tell you, there's only so much Lifetime Movie Network a person can take. And since I don't want to watch TV, all of my books are too heavy (my illness sapped the strength out of me, okay), I can't do anything social because people are afraid of my death eyes, and I have nothing better to do (washing that gigantic pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink obviously doesn't count as anything better), I guess I might as well update my xanga. Here goes.
On the subject of being disgusting (I bet you didn't know I had so much to say about the topic!)... I have a theory. My theory is as follows: I am more attractive to the opposite sex when I'm gross. I first came up with this theory about a year ago, and it's been nothing but confirmed ever since. I know that this theory sounds completely ridiculous, but just listen. Back when my theory first came to me, there were quite a few instances - all within like a month of each other - where I was vaguely gross for whatever reason (hair was unwashed, I was suffering from allergies and sneezing all over myself, I was feeling sick and hacking up a lung, etc.), and each and every time, I got hit on significantly more than I usually do. Way more catcalls, way more creepy smiles, way more drive-by stares, way more being hit on in general. I have no idea why this is, but that's not what's important right now. What's important is that my theory was once again backed up by events that took place today. So there's this Fed-Ex guy who occasionally drops packages off in our laboratory and brings the papers over for me to sign. I have no idea what this guy's name is or anything... all I know is that A. he's a Fed-Ex guy, B. according to the ring finger he's not married, and C. he is absolutely adorable. Oh, and let's add another one - D. HE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH ME TODAY! At least according to my coworker... I was way too flustered (see Point C) and preoccupied with the fact that I was wearing the same Steelers t-shirt he's seen me in the past three times he's been in my lab (I mean, it's a great shirt and all - Yeah Steelers! Six-time Super Bowl champs, baby! - but still) to even notice any flirtation. But apparently it was there. And let's recap, shall we? He most likely believes that I only own one shirt, I have what very closely resembles a smoker's cough, and oh yes, let's not forget the extremely unflattering case of PINK EYE. And he was diggin' it! And then later this evening in the TJ Maxx parking lot, some random dude totally hit me up with a drive-by stare. So there you have it. Disgustingness = hotness. I guess this is where they get the term "hot mess." ...And hey, this probably explains why Paris Hilton has had so many boyfriends! |
:) lol, I wanted to immediately say something like "I hope that you are feeling better, and get well soon" but you just made this post too funny for me to start off with true heart felt sympathy. About a month ago right aftter the Superbowl (GO STEELERS!), I too was struck with the nasty plagues of sickeness that only Job could truly understand, praying many days to be taken away and shunned by the community like a leper until all of it passed and it was safe to look at me again. I hope that within the next few days you are fully recovered and can again venture into the world that you left behind, a better and wiser person for all the Lifetime movies that are now part of you.
Your theory about being more attractive to the oposite sex when you're gross is one that I totally understand and believe wholeheartedly, to wit: I am student with 3 majors and I also run a used bookstore right here on campus, so I have to look good, not the typical beach bum attire that i would love to wear if I could. Last friday though, we lost power because of the weather and I had to go into work unshaven and wearing a shirt from the day before, there being no power to wash anything. Naturally, this was the day that cute girls came into the store all day and I looked terrible, but it made no difference. For whatever reason, i had coeds leaning on the counter all afternoon flirting with me, I looking like I had just went over the wall at Devils Island. Maybe when we look our best, it makes the opposite sex timid and nervous, afraid to make the next move from fear of rejection.
Get well soon, Tony